Do you know these 7 concrete ways to build trust
in a relationship? Often, what really makes a
relationship work are not the things we think of first.
For instance, do you think you always need to
spice things up? Wrong! Predictability is more important
than variety in a relationship.
The following seven methods are guaranteed to grow your
connection by improving the level of trust in a relationship.
1) You need to be predictable.
This goes against the common notion that you need to
“stir things up” to keep the romance alive.
Sure, going to a new restaurant or giving a
surprise gift can be nice, but most of all,
we need things to be consistent and steady in order
to make our relationships work. Consider that trust
in a relationship is built on being reliable day in and day out.
2) You need to make sure that your words always
match the message. This means that your partner needs
to hear the words which match your body language.
f you say you are happy but you are frowning,
your partner doesn’t hear your words,
he or she sees your face and the tone in your voice.
Your parter needs to be able to trust what you are saying.
When the words match the message,
you build trust in a relationship.
3) You need to have a fundamental belief in your
partner’s competency. If you don’t you won’t have
the trust in a relationship that you need.
When lovingly communicated, the truth is never destructive.
When you do not believe that your partner is
competent at some things (or indeed, anything),
you violate the trust in a relationship.
4) Don’t keep secrets.
Secrets destroy the trust in a relationship.
Be honest and open. Assume everything you know will
eventually come out. Secrets require enormous energy
on your part. That is energy that could be going
into building the relationship.
5) Don’t be afraid to let your partner know what
your needs are. Don’ t make him or her guess what you need.
Let them know. It is okay to be self-centered as
long as you are not selfish. Indeed, if you are reluctant
to assert your needs, you may go overboard in the opposite
direction and smother your partner.
6) Learn to say no. When your partner voices his or her needs,
that is a good thing. But you don’t need to say yes to everything.
A partner cannot respect you if you never say no.
Refusing to be subjugated to the other person’s will
actually builds trust in a relationship.
7) Always pursue growth. When you plant a flower,
you begin by digging in the dirt. Digging in the dirt of our
relationships can sometimes cause pain. But, through that pain,
we prepare the soil for future growth. Don’t be afraid of turmoil,
crisis, or questions. These become the fertilizer for growth and change.
Embrace what is difficult.
When you decide to work on trust in a relationship,
you are bound to encounter a little pain. But,
as you work through this pain, you will not only become
stronger as an individual, you will also strengthen your coupledom.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Getting Your Ex Back After an Affair And Restoring Trust
Can you get your ex back even after you’ve cheated?
Some people claim that an affair should always end a relationship.
But I disagree. I believe that every relationship is savable
if both parties really want to work on it.
Restoring trust in relationships requires an adjustment
in attitude and actions. Even after an affair,
it is possible to save a relationship.
But that starts with ramping up the level of trust within the couple.
If you have had an affair, you have had an attitude which
allowed you to stray. There may be something at the
relationship’s core that is diseased.
But you can heal the disease.
What was it that you were looking for when you strayed?
Was the sex humdrum? Was she too busy for you?
Was she just not spending enough time on her grooming?
You wouldn’t have had an affair if the primary
relationship was perfect. So, what needs to be done to fix it?
Often that lies in self analysis. But just as often,
that lies in the couple’s relationship.
Restoring trust in relationships means fixing the
underlying problems. Sometimes that means going into
couples counseling.
But just understanding our thoughts isn’t enough.
The next step is to take concrete action in fixing the problems.
The secret to restoring trust in relationships lies not
in talking about the right things, but in doing the right things.
One of the biggest things you can do is to make small
promises and keep them. If you promise to take the trash out
every evening, do it. And, do it consistently.
When you demonstrate that you can be trusted in the small things,
a gradual sense of confidence will be realized in the larger
picture of the relationship.
Your girlfriend or wife is going to need constant
reassurance that you have changed.
This means that you are going to need to apologize more
than once over time. You will also need to treat the
recurring comments about the violation of trust as
a matter of course. It is not easy for her to forgive the breach.
If you want to stay with her, you will be patient with her.
This does not mean that you must feel guilty about the
indiscretion forever. In fact, if you allow her to constantly
guilt trip you, she will not be satisfied in the new relationship
you are building. Just be understanding.
Finally, you need to put a positive spin on the incident.
Treat it as an opportunity for both of you to grow as
individuals and for the relationship to mature.
Just as a bone grows stronger at the place it has been broken,
a relationship can improve after an affair.
Restoring trust in a relationship takes time.
It requires that you change both your attitudes and actions.
But it is possible to heal the divide and be a
stronger couple as a result.
Here is the book I use for advice
Magic Of Making Up
Some people claim that an affair should always end a relationship.
But I disagree. I believe that every relationship is savable
if both parties really want to work on it.
Restoring trust in relationships requires an adjustment
in attitude and actions. Even after an affair,
it is possible to save a relationship.
But that starts with ramping up the level of trust within the couple.
If you have had an affair, you have had an attitude which
allowed you to stray. There may be something at the
relationship’s core that is diseased.
But you can heal the disease.
What was it that you were looking for when you strayed?
Was the sex humdrum? Was she too busy for you?
Was she just not spending enough time on her grooming?
You wouldn’t have had an affair if the primary
relationship was perfect. So, what needs to be done to fix it?
Often that lies in self analysis. But just as often,
that lies in the couple’s relationship.
Restoring trust in relationships means fixing the
underlying problems. Sometimes that means going into
couples counseling.
But just understanding our thoughts isn’t enough.
The next step is to take concrete action in fixing the problems.
The secret to restoring trust in relationships lies not
in talking about the right things, but in doing the right things.
One of the biggest things you can do is to make small
promises and keep them. If you promise to take the trash out
every evening, do it. And, do it consistently.
When you demonstrate that you can be trusted in the small things,
a gradual sense of confidence will be realized in the larger
picture of the relationship.
Your girlfriend or wife is going to need constant
reassurance that you have changed.
This means that you are going to need to apologize more
than once over time. You will also need to treat the
recurring comments about the violation of trust as
a matter of course. It is not easy for her to forgive the breach.
If you want to stay with her, you will be patient with her.
This does not mean that you must feel guilty about the
indiscretion forever. In fact, if you allow her to constantly
guilt trip you, she will not be satisfied in the new relationship
you are building. Just be understanding.
Finally, you need to put a positive spin on the incident.
Treat it as an opportunity for both of you to grow as
individuals and for the relationship to mature.
Just as a bone grows stronger at the place it has been broken,
a relationship can improve after an affair.
Restoring trust in a relationship takes time.
It requires that you change both your attitudes and actions.
But it is possible to heal the divide and be a
stronger couple as a result.
Here is the book I use for advice
Magic Of Making Up
Monday, March 9, 2009
Could Best Seller Books About Relationships Make A Fool Of You
Your ex has just broken up with you,
you may be looking for books on relationships.
But how do you choose the best books on relationships
among the many options out there?
Here, I will show you how to choose the best
books on relationships. And the answer will surprise you.
First, don’t be fooled by fancy letters
after a author’s name. There are many people
who find school to be a convenient escape from real life.
Instead of engaging with people,
they spend their time in the classroom and library.
As a result, they end up with a lot of letters
after their names when they hit age 32.
They use their degrees to indicate that they have
“expert knowledge” of a situation.
But does their expertise work in the real world?
Instead, you should look for books on relationships
by authors who have been in the trenches.
They’ve either put a bad relationship back
together themselves or they have helped countless
friends do the same. These aren’t therapy patients
that come in for the “fifty minute hour” either.
These relationships are those of people the
author cares deeply about.
Then, you want to find books that don’t boil down
to “put the relationship aside for 30 days and work
on yourself during that period.”
This is all most “save your relationship” or
“get your ex back” reports say. Many of the ebooks on
the market turn that concept into 50 page documents.
These are just pieces of fluff and don’t
deserve your attention – or your money.
Instead, you should look for a book that will give
you new information; information that
you’re friends can’t give you.
For instance, will the book tell you what
women crave the most? Will it give you a
step by step guide for how to give it to her?
Will the book show you how to recover from an affair?
Will it give you specific techniques to get
relief from your pain?
Finally, look at who is recommending the book.
Do the testimonials seem a little generic?
Were they written by the author’s
brother and second cousin?
You want to find books on relationships that come
recommended by a wide variety of people,
in various situations, from all walks of life.
If it looks like both a guy from England and a newly
engaged woman from Kansas have used the book,
chances are it will work for you.
There are many books on relationships on the market.
Unfortunately, most of them are drivel because they
weren’t written by someone in the trenches.
As a result, they have generic advice that could be
best summed up in a paragraph or two.
Then, what recommendations the book can get are
generic in nature, because the book really
has nothing going for it.
Finding the best books on relationships
can take a little work. But, everything about
relationships are work.
Shouldn’t you invest the time and money in
the very best book out them?
you may be looking for books on relationships.
But how do you choose the best books on relationships
among the many options out there?
Here, I will show you how to choose the best
books on relationships. And the answer will surprise you.
First, don’t be fooled by fancy letters
after a author’s name. There are many people
who find school to be a convenient escape from real life.
Instead of engaging with people,
they spend their time in the classroom and library.
As a result, they end up with a lot of letters
after their names when they hit age 32.
They use their degrees to indicate that they have
“expert knowledge” of a situation.
But does their expertise work in the real world?
Instead, you should look for books on relationships
by authors who have been in the trenches.
They’ve either put a bad relationship back
together themselves or they have helped countless
friends do the same. These aren’t therapy patients
that come in for the “fifty minute hour” either.
These relationships are those of people the
author cares deeply about.
Then, you want to find books that don’t boil down
to “put the relationship aside for 30 days and work
on yourself during that period.”
This is all most “save your relationship” or
“get your ex back” reports say. Many of the ebooks on
the market turn that concept into 50 page documents.
These are just pieces of fluff and don’t
deserve your attention – or your money.
Instead, you should look for a book that will give
you new information; information that
you’re friends can’t give you.
For instance, will the book tell you what
women crave the most? Will it give you a
step by step guide for how to give it to her?
Will the book show you how to recover from an affair?
Will it give you specific techniques to get
relief from your pain?
Finally, look at who is recommending the book.
Do the testimonials seem a little generic?
Were they written by the author’s
brother and second cousin?
You want to find books on relationships that come
recommended by a wide variety of people,
in various situations, from all walks of life.
If it looks like both a guy from England and a newly
engaged woman from Kansas have used the book,
chances are it will work for you.
There are many books on relationships on the market.
Unfortunately, most of them are drivel because they
weren’t written by someone in the trenches.
As a result, they have generic advice that could be
best summed up in a paragraph or two.
Then, what recommendations the book can get are
generic in nature, because the book really
has nothing going for it.
Finding the best books on relationships
can take a little work. But, everything about
relationships are work.
Shouldn’t you invest the time and money in
the very best book out them?
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Ending a Relationship Is A Tough Thing To Do
Does your to-do list look something like this:
· Pay the bills
· Go to the store
· Break up with significant other
Okay, while ending a relationship is hardly at the top of anybody’s list, the fact is that when a relationship has gone sour, someone has to make the move to end it. The truth is that many relationships last long beyond the “expire by” date just because breaking up is hard to do.
Sometimes a break up happens in dramatic fashion with clothes being thrown out of a second story window.
Other times, the relationship just peters out until someone says “it’s done.”
How do you go about ending a relationship so that neither party gets hurt?
You need to get clear on why you want to terminate the romance. The immediate reason that jumps into your mind may not be the real reason. Once you get clear, the next step in ending a relationship is to get honest. That means that in your discussion with your partner that you are true to yourself and to them.
Schedule a mutually convenient time for the breakup. In general, it is better to do it in person rather than over the phone, but if distance is an issue in the relationship, you should do it sooner than wait for a time you can get together.
Get into a state of compassion when ending the relationship. If you want to stay friends after the break up, you need to conclude the romantic ties with love and compassion.
Don’t put your partner on the defensive. Talk about the things you’ve learned and the memories you will cherish that have come from your love. Be present during the break up. Your partner may become very emotional during this time. You need to respond to their needs.
Don’t take anything personally when ending a relationship. Your partner may say things they don’t really mean. Let these words roll off of your back.
Your partner may need to meet with you more than once to conclude the relationship. Or, they may need space. Give your ex what they need to get through the transition time.
But don’t let them make you feel guilty. You’re ready to begin a new phase in your life and it will not include a romantic relationship with your ex. It is best if you retain a positive relationship of some sort with them, but if you are ending the relationship for the right reasons, it is best for both of you.
Should you ever consider reconnecting? Does ending a relationship always mean “the end, close the book?”
That is something you have to decide. Virtually all relationships can be saved if certain conditions are met. If you have the time and are willing to make the effort, you can get through this period as an even stronger couple.
However, if you are determined to walk away, it’s best to end a relationship with a clean break and move on.
The Magic Of Making Up
· Pay the bills
· Go to the store
· Break up with significant other
Okay, while ending a relationship is hardly at the top of anybody’s list, the fact is that when a relationship has gone sour, someone has to make the move to end it. The truth is that many relationships last long beyond the “expire by” date just because breaking up is hard to do.
Sometimes a break up happens in dramatic fashion with clothes being thrown out of a second story window.
Other times, the relationship just peters out until someone says “it’s done.”
How do you go about ending a relationship so that neither party gets hurt?
You need to get clear on why you want to terminate the romance. The immediate reason that jumps into your mind may not be the real reason. Once you get clear, the next step in ending a relationship is to get honest. That means that in your discussion with your partner that you are true to yourself and to them.
Schedule a mutually convenient time for the breakup. In general, it is better to do it in person rather than over the phone, but if distance is an issue in the relationship, you should do it sooner than wait for a time you can get together.
Get into a state of compassion when ending the relationship. If you want to stay friends after the break up, you need to conclude the romantic ties with love and compassion.
Don’t put your partner on the defensive. Talk about the things you’ve learned and the memories you will cherish that have come from your love. Be present during the break up. Your partner may become very emotional during this time. You need to respond to their needs.
Don’t take anything personally when ending a relationship. Your partner may say things they don’t really mean. Let these words roll off of your back.
Your partner may need to meet with you more than once to conclude the relationship. Or, they may need space. Give your ex what they need to get through the transition time.
But don’t let them make you feel guilty. You’re ready to begin a new phase in your life and it will not include a romantic relationship with your ex. It is best if you retain a positive relationship of some sort with them, but if you are ending the relationship for the right reasons, it is best for both of you.
Should you ever consider reconnecting? Does ending a relationship always mean “the end, close the book?”
That is something you have to decide. Virtually all relationships can be saved if certain conditions are met. If you have the time and are willing to make the effort, you can get through this period as an even stronger couple.
However, if you are determined to walk away, it’s best to end a relationship with a clean break and move on.
The Magic Of Making Up
Friday, March 6, 2009
How to Save a Relationship in 7 Steps
Bill works long hours and Sara doesn’t feel he is there for her.
Sara spends all of her time meeting the children’s needs and
Bill feels that she doesn’t have time for his needs?
Can this relationship be saved? Should it be saved?
Here’s how to save a relationship.
First, you must decide whether the relationship
is worth saving. While almost every relationship
can be saved with hard work, both parties must decide
that they want to make it work. Because if a partner
has opted out and doesn’t want to opt back in,
there is little that can be done.
Many people stay in a relationship because it is
convenient or remain in a marriage because of the children.
But that is not enough. How to save a relationship
starts with a commitment by both parties that the
relationship is worth saving.
Next, you must pinpoint the problem or problems
in a relationship. One of the biggest problems in
how to save a relationship is that people believe
the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself.
For instance, many people think an affair is a problem
that causes break ups. In truth, the affair is a symptom
of a deeper problem. For instance, a lack of true
intimacy can lead to a straying spouse.
While most people look at the affair as the problem,
the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of
intimacy in the primary relationship.
If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy,
you might be able to keep another affair from starting
through the use of guilt, but another problem
(for instance pornography) could pop up because
you haven’t dealt with the core issue.
When you start to deal with core issues rather
than symptoms, you can save the relationship.
Once you have identified the core problems,
you can begin to share your thoughts.
This means both verbalizing your own feelings
and listening to your partner’s concerns.
Hold your partner’s had when you are talking
about your problems as a signal that you want
to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling.
When your partner talks about things that hurt
you remember that he or she is not doing it because
he or she wants to hurt you. Rather it is because
they want to improve the relationship.
Once you have detailed the problems in your relationship,
create an action plan to solve them. Then,
take concrete steps on your action plan.
If you don’t spend time together like you used to,
plan a date night every week. Take turns coming up
with creative ways to spend an evening together
each Wednesday. If not communicating is the problem,
commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed
just talking to one another. And, then do it.
Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship
is an ongoing process. You are going to take two steps
forward only to take one step back. There is going to
be both laughter and tears going forward.
Be quick to apologize and slow to blame.
Is your relationship worth saving? If so,
I’ve described in this article how to save a relationship.
Magic Of Making Up
Sara spends all of her time meeting the children’s needs and
Bill feels that she doesn’t have time for his needs?
Can this relationship be saved? Should it be saved?
Here’s how to save a relationship.
First, you must decide whether the relationship
is worth saving. While almost every relationship
can be saved with hard work, both parties must decide
that they want to make it work. Because if a partner
has opted out and doesn’t want to opt back in,
there is little that can be done.
Many people stay in a relationship because it is
convenient or remain in a marriage because of the children.
But that is not enough. How to save a relationship
starts with a commitment by both parties that the
relationship is worth saving.
Next, you must pinpoint the problem or problems
in a relationship. One of the biggest problems in
how to save a relationship is that people believe
the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself.
For instance, many people think an affair is a problem
that causes break ups. In truth, the affair is a symptom
of a deeper problem. For instance, a lack of true
intimacy can lead to a straying spouse.
While most people look at the affair as the problem,
the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of
intimacy in the primary relationship.
If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy,
you might be able to keep another affair from starting
through the use of guilt, but another problem
(for instance pornography) could pop up because
you haven’t dealt with the core issue.
When you start to deal with core issues rather
than symptoms, you can save the relationship.
Once you have identified the core problems,
you can begin to share your thoughts.
This means both verbalizing your own feelings
and listening to your partner’s concerns.
Hold your partner’s had when you are talking
about your problems as a signal that you want
to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling.
When your partner talks about things that hurt
you remember that he or she is not doing it because
he or she wants to hurt you. Rather it is because
they want to improve the relationship.
Once you have detailed the problems in your relationship,
create an action plan to solve them. Then,
take concrete steps on your action plan.
If you don’t spend time together like you used to,
plan a date night every week. Take turns coming up
with creative ways to spend an evening together
each Wednesday. If not communicating is the problem,
commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed
just talking to one another. And, then do it.
Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship
is an ongoing process. You are going to take two steps
forward only to take one step back. There is going to
be both laughter and tears going forward.
Be quick to apologize and slow to blame.
Is your relationship worth saving? If so,
I’ve described in this article how to save a relationship.
Magic Of Making Up
Sunday, March 1, 2009
How to Get your Ex Husband Back Without Driving Him Away
Something has gone wrong between you and your husband,
causing one or both of you to flee?
If you were well on your way to creating a
happy relationship and somehow managed to fall
off the track, don't worry! It is possible
to learn how to get your ex husband back with
the right steps and a basic understanding
of where to go from here.
Ok start off by asking yourself four vital questions.
These are really important questions when it
comes to figuring out how to get your ex husband back.
Is the situation that caused the breakup actually
important enough to warrant the attention it is getting?
Is it even really appropriate to argue about this
matter right now?
Can anything be changed or made different by
prevailing in the argument or is it more worthwhile
to just nip the argument in the bud and move on?
Is the issue even worth arguing about in the first place?
If you answer no to any of the questions,
then stop pressing the matter and let it slide.
Many break ups can be prevented or quickly
rekindled if a large argument is settled.
Surprisingly enough, many breakup inducing
argument are really completely unnecessary,
and could be cast aside if only the
parties involved could let the
tension slide and move on.
The next step to learning how to get
your ex husband back is to stop fretting so hard
about how you are being perceived.
It really does not matter if people think you are
funny or too serious, fat or too thin,
stupid or intelligent. You want to let go on these
concerns so that you can finally be yourself
and let your behavior flow.
This way, people like your ex husband
will perceive you for who you actually are,
rather than who you are trying to be.
Emotionally and mentally distancing yourself
from your ex is an important step in learning
how to get your ex husband back.
While this may seem unreasonable, it is
actually important to take yourself out of the
situation mentally, removing the stress
associated with the break up.
You need to get to the point where you are
feeling more calmed and relaxed,
and he is feeling the same, this is when
true resolution can finally become a part of the
dialogue between the two of you.
A little bit of distance never hurt anyone.
It's important to stay in contact and
maintain positive conversation and communication,
but take the emotions out of the situation
if you want to survive the conversation.
Get your head is clear, and when his head is clear,
this is when the situation can be truly
analyzed for what it is. When you and your
ex are no longer feeling so hot headed
about the issue that led to the breakup,
this is when you can sit down together and
communicate through a solution.
A lot of breakups can be easily undone if you and
your ex husband can simply find the
patience and civility to talk things through,
so this should be your primary goal if you
want to rekindle the flame with an ex
significant other that you care significantly for.
More great tips How To Get Romance Back
causing one or both of you to flee?
If you were well on your way to creating a
happy relationship and somehow managed to fall
off the track, don't worry! It is possible
to learn how to get your ex husband back with
the right steps and a basic understanding
of where to go from here.
Ok start off by asking yourself four vital questions.
These are really important questions when it
comes to figuring out how to get your ex husband back.
Is the situation that caused the breakup actually
important enough to warrant the attention it is getting?
Is it even really appropriate to argue about this
matter right now?
Can anything be changed or made different by
prevailing in the argument or is it more worthwhile
to just nip the argument in the bud and move on?
Is the issue even worth arguing about in the first place?
If you answer no to any of the questions,
then stop pressing the matter and let it slide.
Many break ups can be prevented or quickly
rekindled if a large argument is settled.
Surprisingly enough, many breakup inducing
argument are really completely unnecessary,
and could be cast aside if only the
parties involved could let the
tension slide and move on.
The next step to learning how to get
your ex husband back is to stop fretting so hard
about how you are being perceived.
It really does not matter if people think you are
funny or too serious, fat or too thin,
stupid or intelligent. You want to let go on these
concerns so that you can finally be yourself
and let your behavior flow.
This way, people like your ex husband
will perceive you for who you actually are,
rather than who you are trying to be.
Emotionally and mentally distancing yourself
from your ex is an important step in learning
how to get your ex husband back.
While this may seem unreasonable, it is
actually important to take yourself out of the
situation mentally, removing the stress
associated with the break up.
You need to get to the point where you are
feeling more calmed and relaxed,
and he is feeling the same, this is when
true resolution can finally become a part of the
dialogue between the two of you.
A little bit of distance never hurt anyone.
It's important to stay in contact and
maintain positive conversation and communication,
but take the emotions out of the situation
if you want to survive the conversation.
Get your head is clear, and when his head is clear,
this is when the situation can be truly
analyzed for what it is. When you and your
ex are no longer feeling so hot headed
about the issue that led to the breakup,
this is when you can sit down together and
communicate through a solution.
A lot of breakups can be easily undone if you and
your ex husband can simply find the
patience and civility to talk things through,
so this should be your primary goal if you
want to rekindle the flame with an ex
significant other that you care significantly for.
More great tips How To Get Romance Back
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