Getting Your Ex Back After an Affair And Restoring Trust

Can you get your ex back even after you’ve cheated?
Some people claim that an affair should always end a relationship.
But I disagree. I believe that every relationship is savable
if both parties really want to work on it.

Restoring trust in relationships requires an adjustment
in attitude and actions. Even after an affair,
it is possible to save a relationship.
But that starts with ramping up the level of trust within the couple.

If you have had an affair, you have had an attitude which
allowed you to stray. There may be something at the
relationship’s core that is diseased.
But you can heal the disease.

What was it that you were looking for when you strayed?
Was the sex humdrum? Was she too busy for you?
Was she just not spending enough time on her grooming?

You wouldn’t have had an affair if the primary
relationship was perfect. So, what needs to be done to fix it?
Often that lies in self analysis. But just as often,
that lies in the couple’s relationship.

Restoring trust in relationships means fixing the
underlying problems. Sometimes that means going into
couples counseling.

But just understanding our thoughts isn’t enough.
The next step is to take concrete action in fixing the problems.

The secret to restoring trust in relationships lies not
in talking about the right things, but in doing the right things.

One of the biggest things you can do is to make small
promises and keep them. If you promise to take the trash out
every evening, do it. And, do it consistently.
When you demonstrate that you can be trusted in the small things,
a gradual sense of confidence will be realized in the larger
picture of the relationship.

Your girlfriend or wife is going to need constant
reassurance that you have changed.
This means that you are going to need to apologize more
than once over time. You will also need to treat the
recurring comments about the violation of trust as
a matter of course. It is not easy for her to forgive the breach.
If you want to stay with her, you will be patient with her.

This does not mean that you must feel guilty about the
indiscretion forever. In fact, if you allow her to constantly
guilt trip you, she will not be satisfied in the new relationship
you are building. Just be understanding.

Finally, you need to put a positive spin on the incident.
Treat it as an opportunity for both of you to grow as
individuals and for the relationship to mature.
Just as a bone grows stronger at the place it has been broken,
a relationship can improve after an affair.

Restoring trust in a relationship takes time.
It requires that you change both your attitudes and actions.
But it is possible to heal the divide and be a
stronger couple as a result.

Here is the book I use for advice
Magic Of Making Up